The Pensions Salesman In The Woodpile

A leading candidate to head the Committee for Racial Equality was forced to apologise after making the derogatory remark “that’s the pension salesman in the woodpile”. Aware of the controversy brewing, the man posted an apology on the CRE’s website after a female member of staff, whose partner is a pensions salesman, made a complaint.

“Pensions salesmen are human too,” the woman said. “If they are cut, do they not bleed?” she added. Mr Phillip Trevors, a spokesman for the CRE, read from a hurriedly prepared statement: “The CRE exists to combat bigotry and we shall be launching an inquiry into this disturbing occurrence. Nevertheless, a national debate on multi-pensionism is needed. Pensions salesmen are not like the rest of us, if you know what I mean. The host community, almost all of whom are not pensions salesmen, feel uncomfortable with their alien ways. They bring down the house prices, steal our jobs and rape our women. Some of my best friends are pensions salesmen.”

Mr Matthews works for Standard Life.